Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
