Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
