got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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