so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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