his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
