I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
