Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Someone shit on the floor
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
