this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
