all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
