So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
