On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
