Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
