The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
