I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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