Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
