I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need water and some morals
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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