He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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