That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
