omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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