were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
