Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
