o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
