whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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