I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
