this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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