My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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