i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
