I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
