my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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