I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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