discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
