We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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