The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
