Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to calm my uterus...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
