She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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