R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
