I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
