i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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