Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
