I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
