Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
