3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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