fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
