my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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