so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
