he shaved USA in his pubs
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
