i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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