Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
