i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
