This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
