She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
