its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
