Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
