do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Your dad touched me again.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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