I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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