dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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