fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
