Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
