I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
