A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
